Besides the psychobabble dynamics, there are two kinds of writers, I’ve noticed – and by writers I mean people who actually write for public consumption rather than in diaries, or gossipy emails, or letters to family and friends. (1) Those who have trouble starting, and (2) those who have trouble wrapping it up. And I’m the first type, obviously.
Those who have trouble with the middle, by the way, aren’t really writers. To be a real writer, you have to give up thinking at some point. Having trouble with the middle is a symptom of the inability to stop thinking.
Whew! Now I’ve got that out of the way, I can start.
Why “Shredding the Envelope”?
Because you can push for a lifetime, but you’ll still be trapped inside the confines of an envelope. And that very envelope is what’s got us all trapped – individually and collectively – in the messes we’re in. The envelope is our most cherished ideas and assumptions, the inherited truths of our upbringing. It’s the place where culture and counter-culture clash, and words are used more to define opposites than to acknowledge complementaries. Envelopes are designed as a background for labels, expected to have destinations, categories, a limited specificity of content. The only mystery that exists in an envelope is from the outside of it, before it gets opened. And these days, most of that mystery has disappeared. When's the last time you got an envelope in the mail that didn't tell you quite plainly, even when it was trying to be tricky about it, exactly what was inside? If you’re into bodybuilding, you can keep pushing the envelope. If you want to fly free of labels and categories and inherited content, you gotta shred it.
Besides, I’ve always had an affection for the shredder from the first time I used one. What better way to dispose of a bunch of boring and mostly burdensome paper than to transform it into stuff that suggests a tickertape parade or a piñata, and can even be used to protect delicate and fragile things from breaking … like Christmas ornaments. You can have whatever feelings and opinions you like about Christmas, from Scroogeish to Fundamentalish, but don’t tell me your favorite bit isn’t the ornaments and lights.
Momentary Distraction
I started to wonder who invented the first paper shredder, and just found this:
1908 • An American, A.A. Low, is credited with inventing the first paper shredder - his 'Waste Paper Receptacle' - which was issued a patent in 1908. Utilizing a feeder and a roller with blades, paper could be reduced by use of either a hand crank or an electric motor. This, however, is neither the beginning nor end of the story of the shredder. It is also thought that an earlier version of the paper shredder was invented by an Austrian military officer in 1898, who used a foot-powered machine to destroy ballistics designs. A.A. Low never went as far as bringing his 1908 patent to manufacture, and so the first commercially produced paper shredder was produced in 1936 by a German, Adolf Ehinger, whose insipration came from a kitchen pasta maker.
Austrian military officer… German named Adolf in 1936… ah, one could get even further distracted, but one will restrain oneself for the moment.
By the way, the above history of the paper shredder comes from a charming and informative Time Line of Waste –created by the English, of course. All the American entries on the subject appearing in the first couple pages of Google results were essentially “infomercials” for paper-shredder vendors. This one comes from St Andrews University, and the opening page of the timeline, which goes all the way back to the 11th century, has this very cool image as a link to even more American WWII posters that will remind you to wonder if “keep on shopping” is really the most creative push of the wartime patriotism envelope that the Bushniks could come up with.
Which leads me to Today’s Contribution to News Punditry:
Ultimate Airline Security:
Starting September 1, 2006 all passengers will be required to check their luggage 24 hours prior to departure for shipment on an unmanned cargo drone to their intended destination. At the time of check-in, all passengers shall be required to disrobe. All clothing, shoes and accessories to be donated to a faith-based charitable organization. No passenger or crew member will be cleared through security or seated on the plane unless they are completely naked. Oh, and don't forget to pack your arrival costume on top.
Don’t laugh. Once a critical mass of experienced naked air travelers is reached, I’m betting on world peace (and an end to pornography) to be just around the corner.
I’ll be back.
