Unexpectabilities

Today, despite my best-laid plans and anticipations, evolved into what was mostly a Relationship Day. Incoming emails, phone calls, “do lists,” chats with friends over lunch … all converged around that one eternally human and compelling theme. And, typically – what “relationship” doesn’t lead to it, in one way or another? – now that it’s over I feel a bit exhausted, and not much in a mood to do anything but brush my teeth and go to bed, trusting in the “another day”-ness of tomorrow.

But before I can do that, I am compelled to share the fruits of the best and brightest gift that came my way from a friend who offhand suggested I put “quirkyalone” (one word) into Google and see what came up. My favorites were as follows:

1) “The Original Essay” – by Sasha Cagen. Who wraps a rather nice essay around a rather nice quote from Rilke, as follows:

I recommend reading the patron saint of solitude: German poet Rainer Maria Rilke. Even 100 years after its publication, Letters to a Young Poet still feels like it was written for us: "You should not let yourself be confused in your solitude by the fact that there is something in you that wants to break out of it," Rilke writes. "People have (with the help of conventions) oriented all their solutions toward the easy and toward the easiest side of easy, but it is clear that we must hold to that which is difficult."

2) The questionnaire on Sasha’s blog, “To Do List”. Look for the August 3 post and accept the invitation to fill out the questionnaire. One of my guilty pleasures is filling out questionnaires and surveys – partly because I have a kind of horror fascination with the intractable and unanswerable assumptions they usually contain. But this one was truly a pleasure – as free from “envelope” as circumstantially possible, and I was provoked to really look at myself in ways I haven’t done in a while. Check it out. It’s fun.

All of which led to another gift, which is from an out-of-print work by Osho, A Tongue-Tip Taste of Tao (more or less represented in a book that is in print thanks to St. Martin's Press, called Love, Freedom, Aloneness):

The most fundamental state is that of aloneness. Everything else is later on, everything else is an addition, but the foundation of our being is utter aloneness. We come in the world alone; then of course many kinds of relationships arise, which are beautiful. We form many friendships, love affairs -- that is all good -- but one should not forget the basic aloneness, otherwise one gets lost in the crowd. And one day we have to leave alone, again, and then nobody is going to be with us. Alone we come, alone we go.

That aloneness has not to be forgotten. One who keeps constantly rooted in that aloneness remains in the world and yet remains unaffected by it. Then there is a kind of centering which continuously remains. One can be in the marketplace but the meditation continues. One can move in a love relationship but the relationship does not become a confusion, a cloud, a darkness, never -- the inner light goes on burning.

And when you know that you are alone your love has a totally different quality to it; then you are never dependent. You can share, you can give, you can take -- you are free to take and to give and to share -- but you are never dependent. Whenever love becomes dependent it becomes ugly; then one starts clinging. Whenever love becomes dependent one is afraid that if one loses the other, one will be alone. And one is afraid of being alone -- so cling, be possessive, be jealous, close all the doors so the other cannot escape.

That kills the other, and you cannot love a dead person.

This is the dilemma of love: we can love only a free person, because whenever out of his freedom he gives love there is beauty. But we don't leave him free; we close all the doors to his freedom. We make him a prisoner, and then we are surprised -- where has the love disappeared to? Even if he loves it is the love of a slave; it is a kind of duty to be fulfilled. Then there is no joy in it, no thrill. You don't feel enhanced, ecstatic about it. That's what all lovers go on doing: they want the other to give love with total freedom and yet they don't leave the other free. This is a double-bind.

To come out of it only one thing can help and that is to remember one's absolute aloneness. If you really start remembering it and being it, you will be surprised: no love can be so fulfilling as this experience of aloneness is. It is not scary... in the beginning of course it is, but the deeper you go into it, it becomes more and more beautiful, more and more peaceful. And whenever out of that rootedness you come and share your love, it is a tremendous gift. Whosoever will get it will feel blessed, and in return love showers on you a thousandfold.

The real lover is one who knows how to be alone.

(c) Osho International Foundation

I’ll be back.